It was 1993 when we moved my grandmother out of her house and into a home. It was a hard time for all involved. We gathered at her house one day and sorted through all the stuff she couldn't take with her. Each member of the family who was there (all women, I believe) dealt with it in her own way. I won't go into what other people did or felt, but for me ... well, I was the rescuer of all the stuff no one else wanted to take.
My mother and my aunt chose the things that meant the most to them. My sister, who was very close to my grandmother, rightfully got a couple of the nicest pieces of furniture, I don't remember what my my cousin chose to take. I took the pieces that I had never been particularly fond of, but which no one else wanted. I'm truly grateful for them now - the dressers, the beautiful cedar chest that grandma sat on for hours when she talked on the phone, the sideboard that sat in her tiny dining room holding all the good china, the old stereo stand, the tiny piece of furniture (table?) that we use every day now. I'm so glad to have those things. They are intrinsic parts of our lives and we won't be getting rid of any of them. The other stuff I kept, however, is another story.
The teacup collection went a couple of years ago. A woman that my husband works with is a teacup collector, so my mother and I each kept a few and gave the rest away. That was my first step in giving away some of these connections to the past. Today I dove into another group - the linens.
My grandmother, like all organized housewives of her generation, had a collection of linens. I suspect some of them were her mother's, some were her own that she made or bought. But almost all of these tablecloths, napkins and doilies are either ripped or stained. So I went through them all this morning. I'm keeping about 5 pieces (and some hankies - actually, they may have been small tea napkins, but they are going to be hankies - let's see if I can cut down on the kleenex consumption) and sending the rest off. The ones I'm keeping are the ones I really like - that are my style and that suit my house. I had lost them amongst all the other pieces I didn't like. I just treated them all as one collection that I didn't like, instead of finding the ones that I would use and love myself.
It was a hard thing to do, sorting through them all. I had the napkins to the side for us to use and then realized that, well, we have napkins. I don't like throwing things out that we MIGHT use in the future. It seems wasteful and not very eco-friendly. But today it's about clearing the clutter, not what we might use years down the road. We'll take care of the napkins we have, and if they wear out, I'll choose new napkins that will last and be used. I think I would hesitate to use the ones my grandmother had. And maybe someone else will use them well.
I realized while I was sorting through these things that I have a tendency to anthropomorphize these objects. I think they need to go to a good home, that someone needs to love them. But they are objects, any meaning they had, any ties they had to people, died with my grandmother. I don't know who made them, I don't know who loved them I only know that my grandmother owned them and kept them for a long time. I hope that when I donate them somewhere that someone will USE them. But they don't need to LOVE them. And neither do I. I love my grandmother. I don't need to keep all her stuff to know that. That's big for me.
P.S. As a happy conclusion to this post, I am pleased to say that my friend Marie is going to take the linens. She is a quilter who makes beautiful things and will undoubtedly turn these old linens into beautiful, useful things for other people. Enjoy!
I tend to anthropomorphize things as well - I've got a rather alarmingly large collection of stuffed animals, some from when I was a kid (I took very good care of my toys!) and others that have been gifts through the years. I've had a hard time getting rid of them, because I didn't want to "hurt" their feelings. Nuts, huh?! I've been going through them, along with MY collection of grandma's linens, and letting them go - hopefully to, as you said, a place where they'll all be actually used.
ReplyDeleteI think many of us have the issues of "letting go" and finding peace with it, so I really appreciate what you're sharing with these entries!
I think we all can do this. I worked in a quilt shop and often someone would bring in a half completed quilt to see about getting it completed. It often would be somewhat ugly, if not it would be very ugly. The story that went with it ran like this.... Found it in a box in Mom's (Grandmom's) basement/ sewing room/ spare room closet. No one recalls ever seeing her work on it, or even if she had done it or some other women in the family... A neighbor a friend...made it.
ReplyDeleteI have come to realize that the may be a reason for this, the maker seen that it was not going well and quit. She didn't just toss it in the bin because that is even harder to do.
How do I know.... I have a few if bald done, never going to be done projects of my own!
I have been the queen of chuck it out in my family....over Crristmas I warned Carmen and Michael that I feel a chuck it out purge coming. We have lived in this hous eight years, far longer than the last two, so we need a not moving just chucking purge.
Linda Meyette